Typically when I avoid this space it’s because I’m trying to
work plow through a bunch of shit. And this time is no different. However, I am thinking that perhaps what I should be doing is not avoiding this space but embracing this space. Writing through my stuff, writing about my stuff, feeling my stuff and recognizing my own personal growth.
Five years ago I would have been panicking.
10 years ago I would have been wallowing.
15 years ago I would have been running as fast as my legs and credit cards could take me.
30 years ago I would have been at the bottom of a gin bottle blaming everyone else.
So for today, I’m facing all of this bullshit head-on. Because after all, it really is just bullshit because all of this is just temporary.
I am realizing that at age 50 I am more comfortable with boundaries then I have ever been in my life. The part I’m needing to work on is enforcing those established boundaries and not feeling guilty when others push back against those boundaries. They can push back all they want but there’s nothing that says I have to bend or negotiate my boundaries.
When I look around me and see all of the discomfort, negativity, and insecurity in the world I often find myself hoping to God that I’m not part of that which makes our world such a sucky place to live sometimes.
So, I’m doing my part. I’m plowing through my shit one issue at a time. I’m old enough to realize that there are some things I can let slide. I’m smart enough and old enough now to pick and choose my battles wisely. and I’m cognizant about the shit that I need to square away. It’s really okay that there are some things I don’t tolerate anymore, and there are some things that I’ve drawn a line in the sand about.
Even more important I’m understanding how vital it is that I be genuine to myself and that it’s really okay for me to change my mind.
I think that’s all for tonight.