Yeah- it was me who farted next to you in isle three at Costco


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I couldn’t help it. Really I couldn’t. I have added an over abundance of fiber to my diet along with massive amounts of fresh fruits and vegetables.

Costco was a necessary evil — I hate that place but I needed to get “stuff”. Making my way through this hell hole I felt my gut begin its normal afternoon rumble and I paused for a moment and thought “oh shit please not here.” Weaving my way through the throngs of annoyed looking faces I rounded the coffee isle and it began–

My soft little motorboat of methane that propelled me down the coffee isle only audible to me leaving a lovely cloud of methane behind me as its fragrance wafted in with the freshly roasted coffee.

Careful not to panic I looked around and made a face – the only face we store farters can make when we want to pin the blame on someone else. You know the one – the one of disgust “Oh good God did you do that!?”

An older couple exchanged looks and smirks with one another – I am sure they assumed the other had ripped the old SBD – silent but deadly. While others wrinkled their noses, or coughed. I heard a few “My God what the hell died…” Comments and a five year old who exclaimed “Dad! Did you do that because it doesn’t smell like me or mom!”

I continued quietly on my way hoping to God I didn’t receive the finger point and a visit from the fart police of Costco “Mrs. W. Just Fly we traced the trail of methane to you- we know you did it- just admit it.”

Before I knew it I was happily on my way out of that crazy place and back into the safety of my sound proof car where I could really let them rip and relish in the comfort and safety of four doors, windows, and air freshener.

Oh come on- don’t even tell me you haven’t broken wind in the grocery store – I know you have…

4 thoughts on “Yeah- it was me who farted next to you in isle three at Costco

  1. OMG – Thank you for my Sunday morning Giggle! What is it about the Costco – because I must admit I also set off the SBD’s there!. I join you in your quest to secretly pollute. Look – everyone encourages us to eat more veggies, eat more fibre…so his is the price they must pay. lol. Love your stories ! Keep them coming!

  2. In which aisle? I thought for a minute you had gone island hopping.

    I’ve been living with everyone else’s emissions for the last 45 years. My dad used to tell us to use the bathroom. My Middle Daughter routinely says, “we have a room for that…and it is not the kitchen.

    Eating smaller amounts several times a day works well for me. Which is not to say I never, but you will never know.

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